I'm Still Learning To Love
by IanthonyFeels
Summary: Sometimes, your past will haunt you. In this case scenario, it somewhat helps you.


_Adam's POV_

I don't know why it took me so long to realize it, and I don't remember when it happened, but I knew one thing.

I couldn't get her back.

I hurt her too badly.

Damaged her soul worst than it already was.

We all wish that second chances existed, but I'd give it all up, and then some just to hold her in my arms once more.

To feel the small curve of her breasts, and the ampleness of her backside, and just see the slight dimple in her left cheek, when she was speaking from her heart or laughing . Feel how her tan skin would gain goosebumps when you ran your fingertips gently across the inner part of her thigh or down her spine.

The day I lost Alexis Hardy, was the day that I lost myself. There was an empty hole in my chest when I thought of her, or how she had just seemed to move on with life.

I couldn't even blame anyone, but myself. I was selfish when it came to her. I impregnated her at thirteen, before she even had a life to call her own. I left her, then proposed to her, only to cheat on her with someone she considered an older sister. Only because I wasn't getting my satisfaction.

Now here I lay, wishing she lie next to me. Lexi had moved on now. She was happy with Randy Orton. Shit, I don't blame her. Getting back at me with my best friend. Lexi wasn't doing that though. She seemed to be actually happy with Randy, and he seemed to be making her happier than I've seen her in a long time.

When only I was able to put mesmerizing smile on her face. It angered me. Seeing her green eyes light up, as he wiggled his ears at her. She would then compliment him on how much she loved his eyes.

Funny thing is, she always used to tell me how much she hated blue eyes. She also said she didn't really like dark hair, but I'd somehow always find her fingers tangled in his brown hair.

Lexi had honestly told me she hated everything that Randy was, but she was his girlfriend now. They had kids together. We were going to have more children after Mackenzie, who always begged for a little brother, but now was fourteen and liked being an only child.

I told Lexi we wouldn't say goodbye, yet here she was saying hello to someone new.

Thirty three years in this world, and you think that I'd know better to hold on to something that was no longer mine. To be completely honest, Lexi was never mine to begin with. She had always been a free spirit that no one could hold down.

Which seemed odd to me because it seemed that Randy had taken his claim to her. That was my mistake.

I should've made her feel secure, when all I did was make her question why she came back to me in the first place.

Fucking Randy.

Always coming to be someone's knight in shining armor. Yet, this time, he actually stayed around after he slept with the chick.

"_If you love her set her free," _my subconscious kicks in. I decide to take a gulp from my bottle of vodka. It burns going down my throat, but I ignore, and begin chugging it down halfway.

"Adam! What the hell are you doing?!" a raspy female voice asks me. I really didn't want to turn and face Amy Dumas, but I didn't have a choice when she stood in front of me, snatching the drink from my lips.

The sudden movement caused the vodka to dribble down my shirt. She gave me a sympathetic smile, handing me a towel from the bench I was sitting on.

Until now, I had completely forgotten that I was still in the RAW locker room. The show had ended an hour ago, but I had stuck around after sneaking a bottle of vodka from Vince's office.

"I could ask you the same thing," I slurred a bit. I don't even remember how much I had to drink, but it was obviously enough to give me a buzz.

Though the look on Amy's face read sympathetic, that didn't stop her from saying "Dude, do you really think it's wise to be an asshole to the only other person you truly have here?"

I sighed, knowing she was right. In my selfishness, well our selfishness, it was forgotten about who could get hurt during this entire thing.

Amy's life, was ruined as well.

"Damn it Ames, I'm sorry, but it takes two to tango!" I yell at her. I really didn't want to take my anger out on her, but she was nearby, and provoking me to do it.

"Adam! You know I fucked up too, you're not the only one who lost a Hardy," she said trying to comfort me, but I could tell she was also not wanting to lose her temper. That was one thing I like about Amy. She was actually able to hold her tongue.

If it was Lexi, she'd tear my head off. I missed it honestly. Amy sure as hell wasn't submissive, but she was rightfully Matt's true love.

I lost Matt too in a way. Not romantically though. I trusted few people in this business, and he was one of them, and now he no longer wanted anything to do with me.

"Look, we need each other, so it's best for us both to get along. That means not throwing the other underneath the bus," I knew that I might as well try and fix this before it became unbearable.

Amy really was the only one I had, and I wasn't even with her anymore. We "broke up" shortly after we realized that we weren't supposed to be together. It was all to fill the hole of pleasure and loneliness we were both feeling, and now that it was a definite thing, it felt worst then the first time around.

"You're right," she sighed. I saw her bags in hand, meaning that she was on her way out to another hotel somewhere.

Amy tried her best to avoid questions from the WWE press and any other Superstar or Diva. So, she rented her own hotel room opposite from everyone else, but close enough to the airport she booked.

"I'll see you Saturday Adam," she tells me, exiting the locker room, leaving me to my thoughts and a half bottle of vodka.


End file.
